A blank canvas can be terrifying. How do you create something out of nothing?
Two weeks before my fiftieth birthday, I found myself suddenly without a job, in a new country, albeit my own. I had recently returned to the US after a twenty-year journey of living and working mostly overseas in over eleven countries.
I often feel like a foreigner in my own country. I’ve always felt more at home in Southeast Asia, where I lived for the better part of fifteen years. There is a softness to South Asian culture that resonates with me - especially in Thailand. The concept of “face” ensures that people treat each other with kindness and respect - at least on the surface.
They also bring spirituality into daily life in simple gestures such as how people offer a “wai” (palms together at the heart or throat, with a slight bow) to each other in greeting. It’s such a simple way thing, but it reminds you that we are all divine, and that we could choose to act that way.
But my work in Thailand had come to a natural close, and I was back in Colorado working on my second book. It was taking forever. I was still editing it seven years on, looking for a publisher, and reading a lot of rejection letters in my inbox.
I was feeling directionless and needed to reinvent myself.
Let me rephrase that. I needed to re-invent my about-to-be-fifty-year-old-self— a much more daunting task.
Finding the Artist Within
Through previous transitions, I learned that the best way to negotiate uncertainty was to turn my focus inward—to practice meditation and yoga for extended periods in order to gain some clarity. So one evening I attended a sitting meditation with my local sangha in my small mountain town, and I met a new neighbor.
He was an artist teaching encaustic wax painting classes out of his home. This ancient medium fascinated me. For years, inexplicably, I had been collecting materials hoping to learn this specialized technique, but I didn't know how to start.
So I booked a class with him. By the end of the class, during which time seemed to stop, he turned to me and said, "I don't know who you are or what your situation is, but if I were you, I would stop everything else and devote myself to painting and writing."
I broke down in tears. It rang true to the core of my being.
Sometimes people say things to us we've known all our lives, but we have not allowed ourselves to know that we know. We may deny an inner truth in order to please parents or partners, or conveniently ignore it so that we don't have to face the fear of taking a risk.
But sometimes we encounter guides and angels who do not know our inner war, and state the obvious to us with such innocence that it breaks the defensive barrier. We see what we've known all along.
I'm an artist, and always have been.
What or who is inside of you waiting for permission to emerge?
This is the first installment of my forthcoming book, The Art of Embracing Change.
Each segment will come with a guided meditation, journaling prompts and/or an audio recording of the chapter for paid subscribers. To join and get access to the Allowing Change guided meditation below, as well as forthcoming installments, please upgrade your subscription.
New Online Exhibit:
The universe has supported this shift in focus in amazing ways over the years since this class.
I currently have an pop-up boutique exhibit online at Artburst Studios, from September 4-17. Click here to view the exhibit.
Allowing Change Guided Meditation for paid subscribers:
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